Millennials have changed the way people think about weddings. Social media has replaced bridal magazines as the influencing factor on attire, venue, and decorations. Millennials differ significantly from their parents and grandparents about where they married and who performed the ceremony. According to americansurveycenter.org, over the last ten years, only 30% of weddings were performed in a place of worship with a religious official, compared to 50% (parents’ generation) and 72 % (grandparents’ generation). With that rate of decline, will God even get a wedding invitation from the next generation?

What made it more complex was the couple’s religious backgrounds. Marty grew up attending church, however, as an adult does not feel connected to God through his childhood church or its doctrine. He feels more in tune with God when he’s in nature, experiencing God’s creation. Katy’s had a positive relationship with her church in her early years but didn’t want to get married in her hometown church.
Six months into their engagement, they knew God would be a priority in whatever type of wedding they had. However, they preferred a personalized wedding ceremony without the constraints of the four walls of a church. But first, they had to tell their parents. “Marty and I always knew we didn’t want to get married in a church by someone who didn’t know us. So, we met with our parents and gave them our reasons,” Katy explains. The couple chose an outdoor ceremony and asked longtime family friend, Darcey Schoenebeck, to perform it.
Darcey has an extremely close friendship with Marty’s mom, Marina. She’s known Marty since he was a toddler, and she met Katy when she and Marty started dating in high school. Darcey and her husband, Jay, have spent nearly every weekend together with Marty’s parents for the past 25 years. When Marty and Katy approached Darcey about marrying them, she said yes. Then, she got to work.

Darcey.
Becoming a pre-marriage counselor was a completely different experience from her online ordination. Darcey spent hundreds of dollars on the training and found twenty hours in her busy schedule to become a trained facilitator in Prepare/Enrich. “Jay and I participated in another couple’s pre-marital counseling, at the request of Pastor Ben, and I saw through that experience the importance of communication. No matter how far into your relationship you are, there is always room to improve and grow together. That certainly influenced my decision to get certified – I wanted to do it right, as best I could,” Darcey explains.
Next, Darcey met with Marty, Katy, and both of their parents for two hours to discuss wedding expectations, how God would be present, and the ceremony. Darcey reflects, “It gave everyone peace of mind that faith would be represented and well represented.” Marty adds, “My mom was very appreciative during the initial meeting and happy that her opinion mattered. We were very mindful that prayers would be woven into the ceremony.”
She met with Marty and Katy four times, and each session included homework. “I learned so much going through pre-marital counseling. I was surprised because we were together [for nine years] before getting married. I kept thinking, ‘how come we’ve never talked about this before?’” Katy explains. Marty continues, “It was easy to be vulnerable with Darcey because of our close relationship with her.”

Darcey agrees with the happily married couple. “Marrying these two people – that I have known for almost their entire lives and whose parents are our dearest friends – was the honor of my life after marrying my husband and becoming a mom. Through this experience, I saw the importance and value of community when raising a child, seeing that child into adulthood, and instilling upon that child that you and God are there for them, now and forever.”
Engagement & Wedding Photo Credit: Meg Vanscoik, Loui Photography
Written by Karen Taylor, HTLC Communication Manager
February 1, 2023